What I'm really thinking: the makeup addict

 

 'Friends have asked to see me without makeup, but even the thought fills me with dread'

I see you looking at me and I know you're thinking I look abnormal with so much makeup on. And I agree with you. But what you don't know is how bad I feel without it.
I've had strangers make comments in the street, telling me I should tone it down. I wish they could realise it isn't like that. I don't get up in the morning and plaster myself in makeup because I think it looks pretty. I spend an hour each morning working on my face until I look better. I don't need you pointing out to me that it takes a lot of makeup to do that. I am already painfully aware.
I would give anything to be like all the women I see around me, who just look right naturally. They don't know how lucky they are. So much of my life revolves around hiding my real face. I can't even explain to you what it is about me that I feel doesn't look right. Friends have asked to see me without makeup, but even the thought fills me with dread. In fact, I have recurring nightmares about it happening.
When I consider the alternative, I can deal with being seen as the woman wearing too much makeup. It is what I need to do to live my life. You think it's OK to mock my appearance because you believe I chose to look like this. And, yes, maybe in a way I do, but you don't know the reason, and I wonder if you've even considered it. I feel better this way, and surely that's the most important thing.
• Tell us what you're really thinking...